I didn't talk to her a lot about it because it's not worth it for me. I just told her I was talking her to give her a chance to be supportive even though I know she has a different viewpoint

She is pro-choice, but she is religious and has a lot of shame

I told my dad and he did okay. But I knew he'd tell my step mom and I know she has said she's anti-choice

Anyway, she called with the best intentions. She told me about an abortion she had that she never told anyone about except her mom and my dad.
She said that she wanted me to know I'm not alone. She was coming from good intent, but there was still judgement when she said things like, "We love you no matter what." there's an insinuation that they love me no matter what bad thing I did. She's still treating it like it was a bad thing. Diana did the same. They both mean well, but when you grow up with shame I guess that's the best you can do

Nobody hates you

Not that I want to talk about how this affects people's perception of you, but I also told people that you were very supportive

Yeah, I think I probably shouldn't have told Diana, but I wanted to give her a chance and I also don't like keeping difficult things I experience to myself. Anyway, I'm not bringing it up to her again because it's not worth it. She tried to pity me as a way to express that this was a bad thing I "had to go through" and I didn't appreciate that. I only want people who are capable of actually caring

I told her it was not bad and the only hard part was the protesters being jerks

She tried to ask if I felt sad about it... And I didn't answer that completely how I wanted to. Because yes I do have sadness, but not guilt or shame and I don't believe anyone should have guilt or shame about it. And the reason for my sadness is not that I upset God or committed a sin. I told her the reason I was sad, but not the reasons I wasn't. Anyway just feels like a conversation with her would not benefit me. It would just take a lot of emotional labor

What I want is for you to beat up all the jerks, and then come cuddle with me and eat Chinese food

Thanks honey!

I want to kiss your nose!

Lol

I love you honey

I have been pretty emotional and sensitive. Did I tell you what happened? You can probably guess.. I went on rounds with oncology at the hospital and I was so upset

They had my blood boiling with the disrespect I saw towards patients

I talked to the students after because I didn't want to keep it to myself, and they didn't seem to care at all. Nobody understood. They just took it as normal

Story of my life, me being upset and nobody understanding why. I am not the crazy one though, they are

It was so sad, honey. These are cancer patients. They're at such a disadvantage already. They way they were treated by the MD and NP was so dehumanizing. It made my stomach turn. I don't understand how other people accept it

If I become a clinical pharmacist, I am going to tell my team how patients should be treated. I have heard other institutions do better. Hopefully Florida Hospital is just not a great place.

I might tell my preceptor about it too. I didn't want to tell Zunilda (the pharmacist I was shadowing today) because I don't really like her.

I was telling my dad how I want to change things, and he said that to do that I have to build relationships, which means I have to humanize the people I'm pretty critical of for abusing their power. Either that or build relationships with everyone else and get those people fired somehow

I can try to help the people learn to be empathetic or I can try to get rid of them

But either way I need to try to implement a culture of respect and empathy

It's funny because the project my preceptor is having me work on is based on a quick and effective model for improvement in hospitals. So I'm basically learning how to effectively change things up and make a difference

It seems like that's why I'm at the hospital. My preceptor also sent me journal articles on creating a respect culture in hospitals when I showed that I was upset at disrespect she received from a crooked physician.
I have all the tools, so now I just need a bigger platform. Which I will get when I become a clinical pharmacist and build a reputation for myself

I wish I was there to nap with you

I'm holding you in my heart. Feel better honey! ����

Come to me!

Sorry I shouldn't say that. That's probably painful because you can't

Anyway

In my mind you are here with me

I am kissing your face

Holding you close

Smelling you

She looking in your eyes

And*

And I am stealing the covers

And taking up all the bed!!

☹️☹️ Take care of yourself honey. Drink tea, eat well, rest, get a massage, maybe go to a sauna. Spend time with friends and loved ones. Know that I'm thinking of you and sending my love to you!

Sounds nice. You should get scented candles and listen to relaxing music

Pamper yourself! Little things can help a lot. Having a good mood can boost your immune system!

Get some chocolate too!

Let me know what you're doing for yourself so I can enjoy it too. Makes me happy to know you're doing good things!

No that's not it

Just say this, "Adriane loves me and that means I'm okay"

Good! That's the truth, so you'll be alright! ����

I made a smoothie to help my uterus contract: half a papaya, a whole lime (skin and everything), mixed berries, and half a banana!

I want Nick Apperson

Can I have your face?

Hehe!! ����

������������������������

Uh oh! Because you're sick?

Glad you're eating!

What are you having?!

Yeah I guess I should sleep

I have been tired all day

That is yummy!!

Okay I'm going soon! Watching Modern Family with my mom

Goodnight my love

Good morning! I hope you slept well. If you could send money today, I would appreciate it. My credit card balance is really high right now.

I needed to talk to you about something

I guess you're still sleeping which is good since you don't feel good

But if you wake up soon and read this please call me

Thanks for talking to me

Thanks honey! Sorry I got upset about the noise and got off the phone

I'm waiting to go home

Tired/bored sitting in the student section

Yay! Good job!!

I didn't vote!

I was supposed to get an absentee ballot, but I forgot!

I'm not giving the presentation until next Wednesday!

It went well! I met the director for performance improvement in the hospital and she was nice and helpful. She gave me some templates and some ideas on how to show validation in my presentation!

I felt defensive when you were telling me the rules you made

Or rather the things you wanted to see before engaging in sex with me

Anyway, it could be a while until I'm even physically able to have sex. So I have to take it slow. And I don't think I would want to jump into things quickly. I just had to get an abortion, so that's kind of a mood killer. Don't want to be reminded of how I got pregnant

Thank you honey! I love you too!

Just had dinner with mom and Roger!

I appreciate your thoughtful and considerate response to my feelings!

I want to spend time appreciating you more too!

Oh, look at you!!

You look like somebody I know!

Yeah, somebody that I enjoy spending time with. Their name is Nick and they like to dance!

They have trouble eating at much as I do!

Are you with your friend?

Okay

I just have a bad feeling so I was gonna call you. But I will talk to you later! Have fun on your date!

I left by phone upstairs because I wasn't feeling good and waiting to hear from somebody would make me feel worse so I just assumed that nobody would contact me

Hey honey! Thanks for talking to me

I still feel cold inside. Not sure what to do except try not to think about it while I'm at the pharmacy.
This morning I was trying to channel positive energy, but it was hard. I'll try again when I get home

The flood gates have opened!

Hmmm maybe

Awwww

Lol sure honey! Give me 30 min and I'll be over!

Hehe!! ����

It's not bad at all. Can be managed with naproxen alone

Yes, less concerned since blood is flowing

I do need to pay my credit card though. Did you send money?

Okay

Okay

Let me know how I can help

Any information you need

You might have to call them to figure it out

Okay

I get out today at 3:00 Eastern time

So I can look things up for you after that

Pretty soon I will have to go to IV room and can't bring my phone

Yes!

I have to go to the website, but I got the text!

Thank you!

I will set it up when I get home

Okay

I'm leaving for home in 12 min

I'm leaving now. I should have brought a lead to change because I feel like I'm leaving everywhere. Bled so much today

Pad*

I'm kind of embarrassed

Apparently I leaked through my pants today and nobody told me

When I got home and took them off there were a bunch of red spots on the back!

I had told this woman I was working with that I thought I felt like I was leaking and she laughed a little, but I thought she was laughing because it's a funny thing to talk about. But she must have known. I can't believe somebody would know and not tell me

I know it's nothing to be embarrassed about, but people talk about stuff like that. I'm really just upset that no one told me.

Yeah, it's rude

They were probably making fun

That's true. That's their problem, not mine!

If they don't like it, they shouldn't be looking at my butt

I love Nick

I want to get inebriated

I gained weight. Belly is all over the place

I had two breakfasts today, BBQ for lunch, and we're going out to eat for dinner!

Why is it funny?

It's crying tears of laughter

��

I like that picture

It would be better if I was eating your face!

I miss my honey

Just saw this!

There probably isn't a fee. It's just that you can't change it, no refunds, but can buy another ticket

I put a picture of Molly as my lock screen!

I was maybe gonna put a pic of us, but I didn't have one that's portrait, only landscape!

I thought about those, but I used this one

I liked the ones you took too!

I chose this one because it was portrait and colorful

Lol

But I would like a nice portrait picture of us!

I don't have any

I watched the two videos I have of you dancing!

Get other pictures or videos?

Oh

Did you have good food?

I had a salad, steak, broccoli, and zucchini for dinner!

This is an old video I took of Dustin and Molly!

Oh my gosh!

That's a lot of sushi!!

That's okay, I'll finish it for you!! ����

Take some out

You get a sushi back when you push the button!

I'll show you when I see you!

I'm watching a movie with a couple slow dancing at night in the woods. So cute

Good morning. I have not slept in a bed for about 4 days now because I been upset. I think tonight I will sleep in one. I feel like if I went to bed purposefully it means I accepted my day and I haven't been wanting to accept them so I just fall asleep on couches. Today I'm gonna make peace and accept what happens

It's okay. I did my hair and makeup today to give me a boost. Today is gonna be better.
Okay I will picture you with me!

I think after today there can't be much more bleeding because a lot came out yesterday!

I just checked and my pad is almost full already. Good thing I brought an extra one. Lots of stuff is coming out. When I went on the toilet, a big clump came out.

Ohhh

I just called a second ago

You might need to turn down the temp at night

Uh oh. That's not good

Don't get sick honey