Just weird that I saw it and we've been talking about loving ourselves, and I know that person

She is from a rich family from Abu Dhabi

She tries to play it like she had a hard life and knows what it's like to have nothing, but I doubt that given how she was born into wealth and was into superficial things since high school

I think this is just another way for her to keep up the lifestyle she was used to after her divorce

Hey baby, where are you?

Oh okay! Are you going with Rodney to Jamie's?

Cool!

Some people send me indirect messages that they think I might not be good enough for you. They're really worried that I'm not good enough. I want to tell them to butt out, but I'm trying to be gracious about it. But really, you can choose for yourself if you want to be with me. I do get frustrated by people who idolize you though and then try to hold me to some crazy standard. I think you're great, but you're also human. I wish everybody realized that you're a person.

I'm tired of people second guessing our relationship and whether or not I'm good enough for you

Yeah, I think some people see you as god or something. I'm like, Nick leaves bits of poop in their buttcrack just like everybody else!

I'd love to, but I'm scheduled to work!

Thanks babe! It's a little busy, but I'm working with Aaron, so that makes it better!!

I drank one bottle while at work!

On my way home now! I refilled my bottle!

Are you home?

Do I need to mop the floor, or just sweep?

Nope

She did the counters, stove top, dishes, and trash

So I have floors and cleaning out the fridge!

Does anybody want any of these items?

Aww, thanks! You did a great job with everything else! Kitchen looks amazing!! �� Keeping the pickles and I threw out the other items!

Oh no! I tossed everything that was in the photo besides the pickles! I'm sorry Lara!!

I filled up my bottle and made tea! Haven't drank yet though! Eating my breakfast right now!!

I am gonna drink it after my food!! I love you too baby!!

I made a healthy breakfast!

Mostly celery!

Some ginger and jalapeno too!

Thanks baby, I appreciate that! I am trying to treat myself well! You can take as long as you need! I'd like if you're home at least by 9pm though! I love you and glad you got in a workout today!

I am really craving sugar!

I wish this UTI would go away!!

Okay! I'll try to take it as a positive thing!!

New bed is up! ����

Well I haven't dressed it yet, because I'm still letting the mattress air out! I'll let you see when you come home so it's a surprise!!

Did you say you're coming home?

Okay great!!

Thanks baby! I'll go move it!

I had a great time with you too, love!!

I hope you have a wonderful day! I'm getting really excited for your bday!!!

Is there a window in that closet? Because it sounds like stuff is moving around in there!

There's a knocking sound

Of my goodness! Can I eat it??

Of my goodness! Can I eat it??

Want to watch hidden figures tonight when I get home?

It's a movie about 3 black women who were mathematicians for NASA and helped with a big mission!

I'm at city greens! Want anything??

This curry is going to be amazing!!

Come home before I eat it all!!!

It's gonna be done in a few minutes!

I really think you're going to love this! I used the coconut cream that you bought from trader Joe's! It has purple carrots that I got from city greens!! Lots more good stuff!!

Get some curry! It's in the fridge!!

Please be home by 5:30pm!!

Make sure to eat lunch because we won't be eating until 7:30pm!!

You share your bday with Issa Rae!!

I think one thing that can help us is for me to practice owning my body. Honestly I still don't really feel I own it at 27. It's hard for me to feel I can give myself felt when it's never even been mine

I'm gonna bring it up to my therapist and find some ways I can practice owning myself

I think part of the problem is I've always downplayed any trauma I experienced so asking not to make myself or other peeps feel uncomfortable. It's hard to burden people with the truth of your existence when they'd often rather not know. Plus when I have spoken up I was gaslit, invalidated, and told the man's reputation is more important

It's similar to teaching kids to share. A kid first has to feel a toy is in their possession and then can feel free to give it to others. If a kid never experienced having it for themselves, they won't feel comfortable sharing. My body has been a blessing and a curse and I have a complicated relationship with it. I want to love it and own it, but it's hard because I want to distance myself from the pain that I associate with it.

Anyway, I was just thinking about that stuff because I know we both want to find a solution!!

Love you too! I'll be home soon!!

That curry gave me spicy poop!!

Once I get home! You can't go in the kitchen!!

I'll get you whatever you need!

I'm home! Please stay upstairs for a sec!

Hey baby! How are the roads/cars outside?

����

On me way back!

I'm downstairs eating!!

On my way to my workout!

Good job baby! I have one lap left and I think this weight is too much for me starting out. I'm doing it, but on the fourth lap the left one started to slip towards the end. Not sure if my left hand will be able to hold on for a fifth one, but I'm going to try!

I was taking breaks!! I finished my workout! It helps if I picture myself doing the lap easily and I keep my gaze upwards

My left hand still started to slip towards the end though!

Should I do the same thing for my workout tomorrow?

Okay!!

I sent an email to the person who is in charge of residencies at the VA to let her know I'm interested in it and ask if I can come in to shadow or volunteer and briefly told her why I'm interested. I also sent emails to two professors to see if I can shadow them at the VA.

Okay! Thanks baby! Did you see the pictures I included in the email? Should I include those in my statement to them?

Yes, in the picture.

Yes! In the picture that was in the email! It's dated

What should I write as the subject?

What?

They might not understand that it's inhabitable due to a leak because I didn't specify about the lack of power!

Okay. What does this mean, "If your do yeah with them, just say that it has been a nightmare."?

Okay, thanks for your help!!

They just tried to call me and I didn't answer

Okay. I feel like I did something wrong. Do you think this is mean?

I could have just talked to the guy

Okay. I'll try not to feel guilty then

Okay. I don't want to keep distracting you, but he emailed me directly. Can I ask you about it later tonight?

He just called again and left a voicemail saying he's going to stop by the place and see what's going on there in 15-30 minutes. I hope he doesn't try to fix it and say there wasn't any problem.

I should have taken pictures of the place

Hey love! Since I came home early I'm stopping at city greens to pick up meat since we're out! Anything else you'd like?

Okay I'm getting 6 lbs of ground beef!

I just saw your text!!

They called me again!

Ohh! Nice baby! I just went to the bathroom too after reading that!

I sent you the email they sent me. They keep condescending to me, and basically calling me a child as an insult

He's gaslighting me. "I can't understand why you won't talk to us"

This is what happens when you're a underprivileged person trying to demand respect. Everybody calls you crazy! This is the force of the status quo saying, "hey you, get back in your place". If you listen you won't experience it again until/unless you want to try for more respect again. Slowly from birth to death we're conditioned through negative reinforcement to stop pushing

I guess punishment is a better descriptor than negative reinforcement

It sounds great! Thanks baby!! ����

They sent me something that IT blocked as dangerous. It looks like it's just an attachment that says "default.xml"

I told IT to go ahead and put the email through so I can see it

I left the meat out this morning!!

����

About to do my workout!

Thanks! I just did two laps and it was really hard. Hands are hurting because my calluses haven't had time to develop!

I think maybe I should do a different exercise

Lol

Okay!

Feel like my hands are gonna rip! They are soft!

I'm halfway done though!

Okay

2 left

It hurts!

Lol

I would grip it harder, but I'm not that strong yet!

1 left!

All done!!

��

Hands didn't rip!

When I was younger and mowed the lawn after having hardly ever done it, the skin just peeled off my hands and it was raw where there should have been blisters/calluses!

It was my step grandpa's lawn!

He's dead now, so probably shouldn't talk bad about him, but he was filth and abusive to my step mom and her mom before she left him

I was probably like 10 years old or so

No!

What's going on?

Looks terrible

Just wanted to tell you that I'm making us some food! I'm making us ground beef with veggies and maybe some sweet potatoes!

Food is really tasty! It's sweet and spicy!!

Come get it!! ����

Miss you boo!

See you soon!!!

Headed to my workout!!

Afternoon Workout
Saturday, January 21, 2017 at 3:33 PM Farmer's Carry Set 1: 40 lb × 1 Set 2: 40 lb × 1 Set 3: 40 lb × 1 Walk out Set 1: 135 lb × 1 Set 2: 135 lb × 1 Set 3: 135 lb × 1 Set 4: 135 lb × 1 Set 5: 135 lb × 1 Set 6: 135 lb × 1 Set 7: 135 lb × 1 Set 8: 135 lb × 1 Set 9: 135 lb × 1 Set 10: 135 lb × 1 https://strong.app.link/atVceuyU7z

There are special brownies downstairs!!

No worries!! We were going to break in, but luckily, Bekah and Mary were home! Bekah came and saved us just before Nick was going to try to hoist Isaiah up on the balcony! ����

How many sets/reps for walkouts?

Okay! Just did my first farmer carry at 45

How many farmer do I need?

Lol, not bad, but hurts

Thanks honey!!

Okay!

People are hogging the squat racks!

They farmers are not bad, it's really the pain that gets me

Midday Workout
Sunday, January 22, 2017 at 12:14 PM Farmer's Carry Set 1: 45 lb × 1 Set 2: 45 lb × 1 Walk out Set 1: 135 lb × 4 Set 2: 135 lb × 4 Set 3: 135 lb × 4 Set 4: 135 lb × 4 Set 5: 135 lb × 4 Set 6: 135 lb × 4 https://strong.app.link/85GwvN7k9z

I think the walkouts are too easy!

I need more weight!

okay!!

I'm home!!

I'm hungry, so I'm starting up some cooking!

Want some tuna?

Okay! What do you want with it?

I added a little Mayo and relish to mine! Does that sound good?

Okay! Come get it!!

Hey baby!!

I wish I gave you more kisses goodbye. Hope you have a good day and take care of yourself

This morning was a little much for me. I wasn't expecting to get this big news from you and then see a crying Jenny downstairs with friend drama. I am going to work on making sure I only take on mentally what I can afford to take on so I can still get my work done

I haven't fully developed that focus ability, and compartmentalization yet

I thought so from your face

I think practicing mindfulness will help me remember where I am and what I can take on and what needs to be on the back burner or just forgotten because I can't do anything about it anyway

����

I was just randomly thinking of this. But I feel a little wary about Jenny saying she feels scared of De. Something about that made me feel very off. It reminded me when I got upset at this white girl my ex cheated on me with and she used her fear and took it to the police. I don't think Jenny would do that, but something about it felt aggressive to me

I'm not getting involved or taking sides, but I just thought about why that made me feel really uncomfortable

I know that I didn't trust Jenny from the beginning, but my first instincts are not always right

But yeah, the more I think about it, the more I feel that what she told us this morning was more of an aggression against De than anything else.

I think you're right

I remember thinking the whole time "what of your friendship with De?" it seemed strange how she would want to throw that away and focus on her new lover instead of figure out what went wrong and keep De's friendship.. I haven't figured it all out, but something feels very wrong. But you're right, I need to not think about it and just hope it works out okay and without too much drama..

Midday Workout
Monday, January 23, 2017 at 12:26 PM Farmer's Carry Set 1: 45 lb × 1 Set 2: 45 lb × 1 Set 3: 45 lb × 1 Walk out Set 1: 145 lb × 4 Set 2: 145 lb × 4 Set 3: 145 lb × 4 Set 4: 145 lb × 4 Set 5: 145 lb × 4 Set 6: 145 lb × 4 https://strong.app.link/oQ9x3BT0aA

Last night when you were looking at me and wanting to enjoy the night and I said, "baby you're acting like you're dying". I just realized that must have been after you got the email!

Ohh. I look forward to seeing your face soon!!

My walkouts felt too easy again. I'm gonna add 20 lbs tomorrow!

You think I should do 10 lbs?