I'm definitely a visual person

Lol, I thought you send pictures of yourself to friends?

No... I'm just contradicting your reasoning of only giving pics to people you're in a physical relationship with because I would like to see your picture! ��

Lol

Send me a picture of you please!

����

Aww!! I love it! ������

I would look at you and ask if you like rootbeer floats!

Me too!! ����

I also have brownie mix! We could make brownies together!

You could dance and I could watch you!!!

Haha!

I still have a scandalous video of you dancing!

���� Two of us dancing is dangerous. You could, but I'm happy that you haven't asked me to

Lol, you're listening to those bad voices!

Oh

I thought we really were going to have rootbeer floats and make brownies!

Lol really?

I wonder how that would go if I actually did that!

Lol, I don't think it'd be as romantic in real life! You'd be scared and probably get ptsd!

Plus, I can't do it when you're expecting it!!

Love it?

Lol, you're just trying to get me to come over!

Lol

Look at you daring me!!

I'm not afraid of that! I'm afraid of ruining possibility of friendship or relationship.

Kick you out first!

Then ask how you got there!

Then say you can stay in it if we're monogamous and you don't mind if I push you off the bed and steal the covers!

What would you do if you found me in your bed?

Oh really? What would that be like?

I won't tell anyone!

Awww

Hmm, well I think most relationships have needs, but in your scenario we're not together. We're just intimate without consequences!

I have this song in my head from earlier today... "Oh baby you, you got what I need.. but you say I'm just a friend... Cuz I can be your fantasy... but you say I'm just a friend!"

I heard it at the naked lady party!

You know that song?

This song: http://youtu.be/9aofoBrFNdg

Lol, okay but make sure I cum first! ����

I think I messed up the lyrics of that song! lol

Do I have the kind where it's really intense and I forget where I am?

I want one like that!

We might never have sex again

How does that make you feel?

That's true. ��

To me it feels disappointing

But not the worst thing that could happen

No, it would make me sad. But I would be happy to receive your pictures!

����

I don't feel loved and secure enough in a friendship to share those intimate parts of me. In a relationship I feel comfortable sharing.
But if you are comfortable I always enjoy seeing you! ��

Okay

Feel free to send it if you feel like it! ��

Me too! Goodnight, sleep well!

Thanks I will. It's not until 6:30pm tonight so I have some time!

I wish I could have pushed the sled too! I'm glad hanging out with me made you feel a little refreshed! �� Thanks for the good vibrations! ����

Yeah, that would be fun!!

I'm making French Toast!

I bought thick bread for it!

No you didn't! You had somebody else's French toast!!

Yeah! But it wasn't my French toast!!

����

I'm careful introducing guys I date to Molly. I don't want her to get attached!!

Lol, I'm kidding!

I like dark humor. My mom was careful of that when she was dating!

I only met the serious ones!

You're a beast!! ����

Come see me so I can reward you for your hard work!

I was right! I haven't completely lost it!

I blocked Rob in 3 different ways from contacting me

He created a new profile and sent me this

No I didn't go

It's okay

Okay

Have fun with your friends. I probably won't be coming to push the sled. It's really early for me to come to your place and then you're leaving right after. But I appreciate the offer.

Rob was really good in bed and when he was nice I had a good connection with him. I probably would go to him for comfort but he is abusive. I felt scared when I was with him, so I can't put myself in that situation again.

I kind of wish I could though. I really want physical comfort

You too. Ttyl

Yes

Leaving soon if that's okay

Had a weird dream about misplaced shoes and sight

Okay

Omw!

I need to drink water

I was rushing to get out

Okay be there soon

I want to get water first!

Okay

http://www.vibe.com/2016/06/mexican-korean-artist-monica-kim-garza-nude-paintings/?utm_source=sc-tw&utm_medium=ref&utm_campaign=monicagarza

The way she paints these women, they look so free. I crave that inhibition.

lack of inhibition

My ex used to look really free when he was lounging too. I used to try to mimic him to feel what it's like. It definitely didn't feel natural to me!

����

Yes, that warmed my heart. I hope you have been that way with me

Good thing about big feet is that my shoes are always on clearance in store! I returned shoes that I got online and they would only offer merch credit, so I bought two pairs of shoes and three kinds of socks all on clearance for less than what I paid for the original shoe. I'm not buying my shoes online anymore!!

Hey Nick! I hope you are having a good day. I'm glad we had a talk last night and got to push the sled this morning!
I am open to us saying we want to be monogamous at the end of the summer, but I don't know what will happen in the meantime. I don't know if we really will be monogamous in the future and in the meantime we are friends. Since we are friends and you have a relationship and our future is uncertain, it doesn't feel right for me to put my life on hold. So in the meantime I am planning to focus on friendships, but I might go on dates. I'm not saying that to hurt your feelings; I want to be honest about where I am to avoid hurting feelings worse.

I am still committed to our friendship and to loving you as a friend. I hope that we will get together at the end of summer, but I'm not certain that's what we will do.

Thank you. I appreciate that! I hope your meeting went well!

Someone sent me this. I would go on a date, but it seems like he's trying to lure me with money which has been a warning sign in the past.

I don't get why he couldn't just ask for a date without talking about his expense account.

I told him that I was declining the invitation and that if he had approached me more respectfully I would have liked to go out.

What are you doing?

Oh that's fun!

Thanks love!

I hope yours was nice too!

You look great! ������

I hope I see you soon!

I just missed you!

OK, can I call you on my way to the gym?

So I kind of feel icky. I invited Chris to my place night and had a bad experience.

If sounded more down, that's why.

I don't feel I can explain it without embarrassing myself. But he disrespected me by putting himself in me without a condom even though I had asked him to wear one. Then stopped when I was upset. Later he came in me without asking me. So this morning he bought me Plan B and breakfast.
I feel embarrassed that I let that happen.

I didn't think he was someone who would do that. He had been nice to me before.

I thought that at my age I wouldn't allow stuff like that to happen to me anymore. But I guess not.

Fuck. I swore I wouldn't let myself get raped again

The problem is that I took the blame for it. I never told him "you put your dick in me without a condom without asking me even though I said you should use a condom." instead I said, "we had sex without protection and that upset me".

I think he partly realized that what he did was wrong and felt bad which is why he bought new plan b and breakfast. But he didn't apologize. He just mentioned that he didn't want me to be upset at him when he left for Baltimore.

He's moving to John Hopkins to be a cancer doctor.

It's too messy. These types of rapes are really hard to prosecute. I invited him over. I knew him. He's a white male with high social status. The night after he raped me, I slept with him in the morning and that's when he came in me without my consent.
My case is not clear cut enough. It will likely be blamed on me.

I'm not a good enough victim.

What are you suggesting?

Oh well I texted him and let me know what I thought about what happened

Yeah, I know it's not my fault that he did those things. I just wish I handled it better. I wish that I had kicked him out after he did that, instead of blame it on myself.

He responded to my text saying, "I knew you'd get mad at me for something"

So I just blocked his number

I asked him to apologize and that's what he said

I have responded better before. A previous time someone I was dating raped me I pushed him off of me when he wouldn't stop and I broke up with him.

This time I just got upset and then went to sleep.

Yes, but not right now. I'm a mess and I want to shower and clean my place. But if you have available time later it would be nice. I know you're busy though, so don't worry if you can't. I still appreciate your support!

Okay, come by at 6:30?

Okay

I don't really want to go to that

I appreciate you showing love and support for me even when it wasn't convenient. Thank you for respecting and trusting me enough to speak candidly about what you were thinking and feeling. I'm looking forward to reading the next Saga.

I don't know if you were worried about this or not, but I feel like I should have told you that the sheets on me bed are clean. I changed them, because that would be gross.

I shared some of my experiences with rape and rape culture with the feminist group on facebook. It helped to hear what they had to say. One person told me that she's confident in saying that all men are rapists just like all white people are racists. I agree with that. I think it's safer and more accurate to assume that all men are rapists. I'm tired of men looking at me. Even just the construction workers on my way to school. I get angry about it. They should keep their predatory eyes to themselves. Next time somebody looks at me I'm gonna flip them off so they'll have something more interesting to look at!

Okay!

So I talked to my apartment manager about the guy who works on the lawn being inappropriate towards me making me feel threatened and he said he would talk to him, then said, "Keith is harmless. You know you're an adult woman and you could talk to him like you're talking to me. Let me tell you about something that may help you, I read these rules of etiquette that you can use in situations like these..."

Proceeded to recite a lesson from Ms Manners in which I could say things like "pardon me" and "how dare you". I'm not even making this up!!

Hi love! It was great and just the right length so I felt energized, but not exhausted! I hope that you and Al are having a good time together. They have my support too and I'm thinking of them! ����

I'm going to take a bath and read more of my book! If I don't talk to you again tonight I hope the rest of your night goes well and you get good rest. I hope I see you again soon!

They were good!! �� Are you stopping by? I'm still naked!

Stop by and I will give you a brownie!!

I had fun with you too! Both of those sound fun!
There's this bike ride on Sunday, but not sure you can make it since you have breakfast with your housemates! https://www.facebook.com/events/579061942255616/?ti=icl

Yeah, I wasn't sure if it's co-ed since it's a different ride than usual!

Yeah, I would enjoy that!!

We can make a stop for gelato! ����

Hey love! ����

Lol, aww be loving to yourself!! I love you!! ����

That would have been nice! At the same time, it's good we don't spend too much time in bed together even though it's enjoyable. Once we put in the work and get ourselves to a good place we can allow ourselves more of that time together! ��

I have been abstaining from using apps/websites for dating in order to focus on healing, friendships, and loving myself. A lady I had previously talked to on Tinder just messaged me about getting Mexican food before I leave. Our previous conversation was very neutral focused on school and work since she's a PhD student in biophysics focusing on the applied math aspects. I wish I knew if she was interested in me as a friend or if she wants to date, but I'm scared to ask her. I don't want to offend someone by going out with them for food as a friend when they thought it was supposed to be a date!