Why would you choose to see other people, knowing it would upset me? Why would you do that when I was in a crises? Why would you then lie about it?

Why the fuck did you fuck me over?

From what you told me, it sounds like you got upset and that was what instigated your desire to see other people. Similar to a previous fight where after you got back with Esther. And for the record, I did not break up with you while I was in Florida. Not once did I say I wanted to end things with you. I told you that I wanted to work things out.
So since the instigating factor was you being upset at me, it makes sense that you wouldn't bother to tell me you were seeing other people. The same way you did that with Esther without telling me.

You get upset and reach for romantic comfort and don't bother to let me know about it.

So basically, if we have a fight, I can trust that you will start looking for someone else or get with someone else and not tell me.

I don't think you're as honest as you think you are. Lying by omission is a real thing. You don't have to say something untrue to lie to me.

I'm not okay with being your main boo while you go on dates and look for other people, especially when you didn't even bother to tell me about it. It's either me or it's not.

I feel so disrespected, it's ridiculous

I can't handle this amount of disrespect

I think that you are not a kind of person that can be monogamous. I think you hide a lot of things. You're definitely not an open book like you claim to be. I don't trust you

I trust you about as far as I can throw you.

�� I love you too. I will see you in two hours!

You look wonderful!

Mine is messier!

Oh no, you're early! I'm on my way!

I hope I get there before you!

If you get there before me let me know so I'll just go to arrivals instead of parking!

Oh man! I'm sorry t honey!

10 min!

Here!

Hey love! I hope your day is going well!!

����

Supposed to get my period in 4 days!

Hey honey! How come you moved my bed?

Lol, it was moved really far! Like partially blocking the entrance to the closet!

No, it wasn't like that this morning before I left

What?

Are you sure you didn't push it on accident? Maybe you were looking for something

You forgot to pull the blinds up. Maybe you pushed the bed to find something. It moves easily

It's alright! Do you really think somebody came in my apartment?

I mean it was covering at least six inches of the closet entrance.

Lol

����

I would have noticed it this morning because I was in and out of the closet and bathroom. It was in the normal spot when I left this morning! Anyway, probably not people breaking into my place!

Too bad I don't have cameras in here!

You were probably sleepy and didn't notice it! I much rather believe that than some stranger broke into my place....

Who do you think would have done that?

Molly did seem really agitated when I got inside

Normally she's just sleeping

I was thinking about the spontaneous sex you brought up. I do think that would be fun! It would require more body trust between us. I am confident we will get there.

I'm horny right now

Lol, why not?!

Women who masturbate more have stronger sex drives!
Come over and mount me! ��

Okay! I took a video, but it looks weird!

I thought you wanted to me to show it to you?!

Lol

I just warmed myself up for later!

I'm gonna make some soup!!

Soup is in the pressure cooker!

White bean, chicken, and barley tomato soup!

With cilantro because it was going bad!

Watching my lecture now

Soup is good!

Well I certainly can't come to you!

Yes! I'm still watching the videos because Robyn called me and I talked to her for an hour because she wanted to tell me about her experience!

Come here and eat soup!

I think I accidentally put too much tumeric!

If you come here, could you do me a favor and bring the toilet bowl cleaner that is in the trunk?

I found out that those things on your back and upper arms are folliculitis caused by an overgrowth of staph aureus!

Aww! I love you too, cutie!

Thank you for the brisket!! ����

Hey love! Just wanted to see what you were up to! I'm walking back from class right now. Just got done applying for some jobs!

I'm hitting up friends to try to get the hookup for an interview. If I can get an interview, I'll probably be hired!

Cool honey buns! I'm applying to a couple more jobs because a couple friends said they'd ask their managers to pull my application!
After that I could study, or I could also not! Do you have plans? Want to do something fun?

Sure honey!

I have to write a cover letter to supply to CVS! A resume and curriculum vitae is not enough!

I took a big poop when I got home!

����

I just did 100 kegels

I do sometimes pee a little when I sneeze! This is supposed to help with that!

One thing that I think about is that if one day we have kids, I hope they respect me. Specifically I'm scared of them respecting you more than me. It happens in most heterosexual households. Since you're agender it could be different, but the kids will likely learn gender and it will likely affect how they see us.

I think that's a heartache that most moms have is knowing that the kids the raised and loved will not respect them as much as they will their father's (in hetero setting).

Another thing that I believe is that the more you talk about something, the more it becomes reality. So I believe that by focusing a lot on negative possibilities, you effectively bring them into existence.
There's an old Zoroastrian saying, "Good thoughts. Good words. Good deeds." I think the thoughts we keep are really important.

Wow! Congrats!! That's a lot of work!

You're going to have to go to bed early tonight!

As soon as you get back from the event!

I had more of my soup! It got tastier!

Next time you go to Trader Joe's!

No cooking up tropical storms for you tonight!

You prolly won't have time/be too tired!

Yay !

I'm glad you're safe and didn't get arrested!

You'll have to tell me about it!

I didn't feel great today and didn't get much done. Don't feel good about it. I still have an assignment that takes about 3 hours to do to get done

It's okay

I'm gonna head to the gym now so at least I'll get my workout that I intended to do.

You're going to bed soon?

Okay honey! Sleep well!!

I will talk to you tomorrow!!

Is that okay with you?

Okay! That's not the point for me. I don't need entertainment. I just like to be with you, but I would probably keep you up because I have a lot of work to do!

I did my workout and I feel better! Did some face pulls too!

I thought you'd already be passed out

I just made strawberry, banana yogurt with honey!!

I hope you sleep well tonight! I wish I was there to cuddle you!!

������

Good morning love! If you're awake, you should go outside really quick! It's beautiful out!

I'm in the class with the professor I had previously liked on match.com. This is awkward. I really hope he doesn't recognize me

I think he does though because he's looked at me a few times as if he was trying to figure me out!

Lol, no I'm avoiding eye contact. I didn't notice him looking at me today. Luckily he's a coordinator and only gives one lecture this semester. I've seen him give me that look in passing in the school.

Good job honey! It subsided! He wasn't lecturing today, so he left! ��

I might workout after class!

Just got home! Eating watermelon, then gym, then I might make dinner!

Okay! I'm changing clothes and going to gym! Getting my period I think!

My vagina is really stinky today

It's second day back! I went last night!

But I will be careful!

Doing more face pulls!

When I put the bar on my back and squat, I bend forward a lot more than if I had it in front of me!

I can't lean back. I think it's my body composition!

I'm actually done already! I only did two exercises!

Squats and face pulls

Great! I just finished making dinner!

Okay. Take your time, I'm pigging out!

I just learned that the components of a psychopath are antisocial personality and poor ability to sense danger. I have both of those qualities.

Haha

Do you want to see my face?

One sec!

I assumed that I could come to the party too!

Thanks honey.

I'm not excited about meeting Daje. Can you tell me more about her? Is she poly? Does she know I wasn't happy about hearing about you guys?

I was thinking she was not going to start showing up everywhere. I didn't know she's gonna start coming to brunch and everything.

Did you invite her to the crop top party before I invited myself to it?

Did you not invite me to the party because you had already invited Daje?

I just have a lot of questions.

Okay, that's okay. We can talk about it later. I trust you. Enjoy breakfast!

Just got home! Lan found me in the library so had a meeting about the mentor program!

Gonna try to get to the gym before it closes!

Finished my workout!

Do you know how to put air in car tires?

Cool! Can you help me?

Hey honey!

Do you want tonight for yourself?

Say hi to April for me!

����

I miss you

Are we hanging out tonight?

Okay. We can talk about it later

Have a great day!

I'm very vulnerable right now

Yes, I just wanted to let you know I'm vulnerable

��������

Watching Gilmore girls. The mom is happy that her daughter got accepted into a great school and she says, "Yes, now she can do all the things that I couldn't do and I can resent her for it and we can have a normal mother-daughter relationship!" ��

This show is not that sad and I'm just sitting here crying. I think I just need a day to process emotions.

I just got my bangs trimmed! I walk out and a little white boy tells me he thinks he saw someone with the same purse. I said, "Oh really? That's funny!" He says, "I know you didn't steal it, it was probably just a coincidence."

Yeah, my first reaction was worry for him because he was by himself in a busy area, but it really was weird because usually little kids don't usually approach me unless it's to give me a compliment or ask for help.

Got fresh sheets on my bed, put up the curtains, and did the dishes! Place is looking a little better

I'm really happy that you have a lot of work to do at the same time I do! It makes me feel better because before I was worried that if I tell you I need time to study at school you might feel neglected!

As far as I'm concerned, I think we're stable. I believe that you love me and want to love me forever. I believe that anything obstacle that comes our way, we can handle together.

If I come tomorrow around 6pm, can you put air in my tires?

Thank you!

I'm going to start using this. It's called A Passion Planner

Sometimes I worry that you don't really like me. I worry that you just want to be with me because you made a commitment or some other reason, but your heart isn't in it.

Recently when I've looked in your eyes I feel so much pain coming from them. And then when I don't feel that you won't look in my eyes for too long. Yesterday during sex was the first time in a while I looked in your eyes and didn't see too much pain. You looked genuinely happy.

I just want to set you free. I feel I haven't been good for you. Maybe I don't know how to be good for you. I just don't want to trap you when you could be so much happier. I feel sad thinking how much I've hurt you.

I like being with you too. I just want to make sure I'm not making you feel trapped in something you don't want.

I never want you to feel trapped

Or stifled. Or anything like that

Okay, I guess I don't know how to express what I'm feeling in a way that makes sense to you. Maybe I have to think about it more.

I will think more about how I feel and trust you on how you tell me you feel.

I have this tendency to worry about what I think is going on in someone else's head when I don't have any way of knowing that. I am learning to trust what other people tell me and focus on figuring out how I feel.

Right now I'm in a lot of pain and I don't know why, probably because I'm too focused on outside things.

I guess I need to start embracing the pain I feel and pay attention to it than rejecting/ignoring it. I need to be honest with myself that I am suicidal, but I don't want to die and that's okay. I'm currently barely functioning even though I don't like to admit it and I don't want people to know. I need it to be okay that I am where I am. I am constantly afraid that if people knew that I'm barely functional that they would never want to talk to me.

Oh I didn't know your Dad was coming over!

How was brunch?

I would have if I knew they were coming, but it's okay

Did Daje come?

Oh well, I'm sure I'll see them another time

I woke up to a disaster this morning

Molly had gotten sick, puked everywhere managed to get diarrhea on the wall, make a mess of her litter box, and pee outside of it. I had a lot of cleaning to do.

I had to wipe down the lid, change the lining, sweep, vacuum, and wipe things up with a special cleaner for cat pee. Took me an hour to get it neat again, but she's worth it. I just feel bad that she was sick.

Anyway, I guess I'll be seeing you soon for the party!

Hey honey! Can I have some pictures? ��

I love you cutie

This weekend it's supposed to be a high of 81 and low around 57-59

If you want to camp together!

That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you honey!

Also, those pictures make me really happy! ����

Can I have one of us kissing too?

Aww!! ����

Hey honey can I have the video where we're being intimate too?