Oh okay

I don't really want to talk about it, but if you want to we can

So Ly got me off on the days my parents are here, but I'm working all the other days of the week!

Thanks I'm a little sad that I have no days off starting on Saturday

I won't be off again until Friday when my parents come. Kind of makes me wish I didn't tell them to come if I have to spend my whole spring break at work

Oh well. I'm going to have to study and workout when I'm not at work

Nights mostly

I'm also working this weekend

Which doesn't show on the schedule

After 7?

What do you want to do?

Sure!

Okay, you can have a hug!

Coming home tonight?

You know I'm pretty stingy with my hugs!

My dad wrote a status and used the word misogynist! He spelt it wrong, but I thought it was great and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have used that term if not for me

Some lady comes to the pharmacy to pick up her medication. When I tell her the price she says she thought it was free because it was free last time. That's because we gave her a partial fill and she wouldn't have to pay until she got the full amount. She says she doesn't live far but doesn't want to leave and come back. She asks if she can just take the medication and call us from her phone with her credit card. We said unfortunately we have to receive payment first. So she asks if she can use our phone to call her husband so he can pay for it over the phone. So I say yes. I call two different numbers for her to try to get ahold of him and get no answer. So she leaves to go home. Like 7 minutes later she comes back and she gives me a ton of attitude like she's so pissed that we would not give her the prescription first without payment. I was kind of shocked she would come back and give attitude after I even tried calling her husband for her. I wish she realized that it's not about me judging her or thinking she wouldn't pay, it's just that we can't operate the pharmacy like that. I wonder if she would act like that getting services from a different industry.

I am patient with people and understand people have hard lives. I have worked in the service industry my whole life and I never been treated worse by people than I have in the pharmacy. And I have worked as a server and barista. It's just surprising to me

I did not expect pharmacy staff to get worse treatment than servers

I guess it makes sense though since everybody who comes to the pharmacy is sick and sick people tend to be irritable

Thanks glad you are feeling better!

That girl I was telling you about, she had enough privilege to safely pursue art as a career. I have always been pretty jealous of people who could do that

Roger helped me and my mom a lot, and I wouldn't have made it to pharmacy school without him, but he and my mom fought and he threatened to divorce her many times which means that I still did not feel safe financially because at any moment, if Roger decided to, my mom and I would be out. It would go back to it just being us nobody to protect me from her and she didn't have a job. My mom was always between jobs. She could only find temporary work.

Nope. It was still living in fear

I'm just trying to explain how even when I moved into a financially stable place, I still wasn't safe and had similar worries to when I was not.

I remember thinking I'm glad my mom has an expensive ring. She can sell that and we can get by for a bit

Do you want me to tell your mom that you are agender?

Okay

I guess part of why this has been hard is because I had felt for a long time in our relationship that you didn't think I was good enough for you. You were criticizing me a lot and I lived in fear that you were going to finally do what you made it seem like you wanted to do, which is break up with me. It also kind of made me feel like maybe I'm not good enough since you were criticizing me so much. So to have gone through that and then finally be told that we don't have a future after being told that that's not what you thought when I was constantly worried about it, it hurts. It hurts because it makes me feel like I should have listened to myself and I didn't. I gave up my voice and decided that I could follow your reasoning and it'd be okay. You thought of things differently and I learned to take everything from your understanding of it. I was not in great shape going into this relationship and you told me that we could get better together. I do think you're a great person and I love you and I feel I've grown in many ways from this relationship. Also, I feel that this relationship has not been healthy and in some ways it has inhibited my growth and even broken me down a bit and weakened me. But there were also good things. It's a mixed bag. I still appreciate you as a person, but I do feel a bit jaded. I don't think I would have stayed in this relationship for this long if I had a support network. And I do think friendship is better for us. Again, I have gained in some ways from this relationship and lost in other ways. And I think you're a good person and I love you. I do agree we're not right for each other for the future

I think the power dynamic was a big problem in our relationship and the fact that you are very persuasive and I was not on solid ground going into it and I didn't have support

I feel slightly used because I stood by you when you were incredibly down in one of the worst depressions in your life and I offered you compassion and love. I don't necessarily feel that I have received the same kind of compassion from you. Not that we have to keep score because we don't, but I would have liked to have that instead of criticism. I know I'm complaining right now and it's true, but also again to keep in perspective, I do still think fondly of you and appreciate the good you have offered me

Also unrelated, it did hurt me when you moved your hand to silence my laughter. You could say I'm being sensitive, but that is something that people have done to me before. It reminded me of how Roger turns up the volume on the TV super loud when my mom and I are talking to drown us out. I don't think I should be silenced

Anyway, so feedback I have for your future improvement would be to work on your compassion with people and work on respecting women and not dominating conversation or aggressively arguing as since women are not socialized that way, it serves to silence us and I know that's not what you actually want.

Positive feedback, keep doing things like asking how you can be loving, keep talking about progressive things, keep doing things you do to counter misogyny and racism, keep following women of color

I appreciate that you have introduced me to progressive ideas and people. I appreciate that you made me realize the importance of self love. I was working on it before, but you had some different ways of thinking about it that I like. Although you were not perfect in always respecting me, you did often point out when I deserved better from people in my life and that I should raise my standards, which I appreciate. And there's plenty more

I had a great meeting with Karisa! They were so happy to meet me and were so awesome! I think you will really like them and I spoke really highly of you to them so they'd think you're great!

I know you mentioned you would like to meet more agender people! I think they might not have realized you're agender, so I told them

They were really warm and it's hard for me to be that warm when I first meet a person even though I want to be! It just takes me a little longer to open up because of my scars. I hope that they know I like them even though I can't be that warm yet

I got my rotation schedule today

So far I have 4 rotations in Florida and 4 in St Louis, but they're working on getting a few more for me in Florida!

So I will be here for a least half the time and potentially for less than half the time of my rotations!

My first block is in St Louis!

Actually my first rotation is off and then I start on St Louis ones. Thank you!

One of my rotations is with an Iranian pharmacist in Delray Beach who is at a pharmacy for pet medications!

I kind of figured an Iranian would go out of their way to help me get a job when I graduate if I need help!

I also got one rotation at a compounding site, which I'm kind of excited about!

I'm about to go to Pho Grand for dinner with Meghan!

Just letting you know so hopefully you and April are not also there for dinner because that might be a bit awkward!

Thank you! Let me know when you'd like to meet up after!

Oh okay! Sounds good! Thank you

Sounds bad, but these old men who come to the pharmacy.. I'm glad they are dying soon! They are just so terrible I think toxic masculinity has gotten a little bit better with newer generations

I'm okay! I'm at trader Joe's getting some food to cook for the party!

Yeah, i'm stressed because it's a lot of work!

Also there's a lot of people to cook for

But hopefully people will enjoy it

Karisa is going to help me cook some tonight

How are you doing?

Where are you?

Nice! I'll be home soon if you wanna hang

Can you let Karisa in?

On my way back!!

I'm back!

The bad thing is Lara's mom also tries to police her because she thinks Lara shouldn't take up too much space either. Thankfully Lara defies that. And she sympathizes with her mom too

I have to go to work early because they're busy today

Yeah! That's true. I have been a little behind so this will help me catch up

Are you coming home tonight? And if so, would you want to work on cleaning the room together?

Okay

Yep!

I had a lot of negative self-talk with the party because I felt I didn't have enough time to prepare and it wasn't all that I wanted it to be, so I appreciate you telling me you thought it was good. Also I think what the party stands for is important to me too because it's us halfsies that don't have all the information and don't know the traditions perfectly, but we're trying to reconnect and also share with others. So in that aspect, I think it was really nice.

����

Pregnant lady just started yelling really loud at us and slammed something on the counter!

Reminds me of when I was briefly pregnant! Those hormones are no joke! Don't piss off pregnant women!

If it was a guy I would probably have gone up there and said something to him, but pregnant lady gets a pass

I can pick you up! I get off at 9!

I wanna get Tatts!

First I wanna get ripped though!

So it looks better!

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo that says "my choice" somewhere around my pelvis

Maybe "my pussy" on one side and "my choice" on the other side

Maybe something about my pleasure too.
I want to get tattoos on my arms that are about creative energy. I have the picture in my head but I need to put it on paper!

(forearms)

I know

I will have to wear long sleeves

It doesn't matter that much to me because it's not like I can wear what I want in professional settings anyway

I'll do the pelvic ones first and then see how I feel after those

Yeah that would be good!

But the thing is that I won't be getting mine done for a while!

It's something that's gonna be on my body for life, so I want to go to a really good artist

And that's not going to be cheap, which means I'll need a salary first

See you tonight!

Just sent my testimony for Rodney!

Thank you love!!!

Okay! I'm in bed!

Molly is being nice because she doesn't like the food I gave her

It was so funny this morning when I gave her that food she turned right around and followed me, meowing the whole way! She didn't want it

Don't tell your mom we're just friends please

I'm really irritated today

If it would not upset you I would prefer to be by myself tonight

Okay. Thanks for being understanding and hope it's not disappointing!

Okay! I'm sorry. Yes, I'll be home!

Okay! I'm sorry. Yes, I'll be home!

I'm sorry we're not hanging out tonight, but if it makes you feel better, i'm in the worst mood and would be terrible to be around anyway,!

I had a great coffee date with Mena! I learned so much about her! She's such a beautiful person

We're gonna have another one soon!!

I'm so glad I met her!!

Now I'm at the gym to workout before I go to work!

Great job!!

I got a rotation at Florida hospital!

So it will be three rotations in St Louis and 5 in Florida

I think of part of the reason I lean forward in my squats is my shoes

I have running shoes and prolly need training shoes

That will help me balance

Where are you?

Hey! I'm gonna take my relationship status off of fb! Just wanted to warn you because it might affect what yours says!

I didn't do it. Is there a reason?

Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and take it off my fb.

I put it as only myself can see my relationship status so it isn't getting published in newsfeed

We will have to talk later when you're free

Around 10pm

Do you need a ride home?

Okay I'm on my way! Just dropped off my parents!

Hungry?

Made it here early!

Looks good!

Looks good!

GF?

GSF

*

I'm at Baileys with my parents!

There's Meskerem in the fridge if you're hungry!

Also do you want to go to city museum with me tonight?

My parents think if I have one drink I can't drive, and I wanted to drink at Bailey's so we took an uber!

Me maybe

If you come with me

We already went, but they couldn't do all the stuff and I still have my wrist band!

Tonight when I get home!

Not sure yet, but I think within a couple hours at most

I'm about to get an uber home!

I hate when I go somewhere and I know that I'm not being treated right just because I didn't make myself look good. They saw me and my family and just because we didn't look good they were treating us rude

I just saw Motown! It was so amazing and wish you were here to see it too

I cried

Made me think of you too

Tonight is the last night to see it

I really really recommend you go to it

There's another playing at 6:30

You really don't want to miss it

Take some friends with you!

If you have a friend that's a student you can get the rush discount which brings the ticket price down to $20

This! In the comments people talk about antidepressants and drugs with amphetamines

It's sad, but also makes me feel less alone to see that it's everybody who is struggling

I know. Once I'm done taking exams and I have a regular schedule I think I can take better care of myself

I don't think it's a Beatles song

Smokey Robinson and the Miracles

The cash app declined the transaction to your bank, probably because it has a different name than my name.

I will try to send to my bank when I get home and then send to your bank from there

My workplace is so hostile

I really dislike some of these people

This Tech just basically asked to me to take my break in the break room instead of the pharmacy. Pretty much everybody takes their break in the pharmacy

Maybe not

But I take my break in here so screw her

I kind of want to quit because I really hate it here and I don't really have to have a job right now. But are short handed. Maybe I will quit once they hire people

Sure!

Omw!

22 min

Almost here

Waiting on the left turn on Washington

Here

It's saying I will have the money in my account by Thursday and then I can send it to you

When you coming home?

Okay

Take your time!

I still have work to do

Something I just realized is that I'm really used to ignoring my instinct and putting myself in danger. And I need to stop doing that

Like I need to actually think that when I am scared about something there's good reason and I should not ignore it.

Well I'm looking for places on airbnb and I was going to book this place because it's a nice room and affordable even though the house is owned by an older white guy and that I felt nervous about it

Then I talked to my mom and she said it's not a good idea and I realized she's right

And I need to be a bit more protective of myself and realize that when I feel scared it's legitimate and important

I just have felt scared for a long time so I got used to suppressing it. But then I get in bad situations and I'm like, I know I knew better, I just didn't listen to myself

Men are dangerous

Thanks

This guy was really insistent on knowing why I wanted to cancel, which made me even more glad I decided to. He had a bunch of good reviews but I still don't trust it. Mostly white people reviewed him and white men are more likely to sexualize/fetishize brown and black women.

Yep

That's why I was really feeling like I dodged a bullet there because he was too insistent. Thankful my mom told me it was not safe

My mom has better street smarts than me

Awesome! I'm upstairs!

This person reminds me of you a little
http://go.tinder.com/M0vryljbzic-Nicole

I'm upset that you don't want to be with me longterm

Also, please send me your bank info so I can send you the $450

I deleted my facebook account