Yeah, I have to find something good to do to try to make it better.

I mean I already screwed things up for her, but maybe I can do something good for other people.

I can do that. I can write an apology and an opinion piece. It doesn't fix anything, but I can do that. Do you have any other ideas?

��

I can see your forehead!

I want to eat your face

I like that you get it! People before have gotten freaked out and thought that was really weird!

Some friends are asking me how the talk went. I told them we probably have two more discussions to go and they think that is weird! lol

Yes, go us! ��

A friend is asking if you want to go on a double date this Friday to a dance club called Handlebar!

His name is Arun. I met him a while back on Tinder when he was looking for friends. He's from the UAE and here taking USMLE's I think. I've only met him a couple times before but he seems like an nice person, very friendly!

Okay, great! I'll let him know!

I've never been there, but I'm excited to go out!

So then we would discuss earlier Friday...

I only got one of them!

I got the haircut photo!

Oh, I never check my gmail!!

Those are beautiful! ��

��

You're so sweet.

I want to eat your face even more than before! lol

Can I have another picture of your face?

☺️☺️

Yes!

Once you trim your nose hairs!!

Haha! I was just teasing because I remembered what happened when we went camping! ��
I will eat your nose hairs too! ����

Even with the boogers!

I'm sorry I body shamed you and then said I was teasing when you told me that's what I was doing.
Initially I thought I was being funny, but I see that I wasn't!

I knew you were. ��
Oh I want gelato too!

EgyptAir Flight MS804 from Paris to Cairo 'disappears from radar' http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-36309492

What's that?

Hey love!! I am sorry that I didn't see these messages until this morning! I appreciate your concern. I also want to let you know that I have never not gotten through something. Even if something bad happens, I am always okay! I will take care of myself and I will get up and get back to the people who I love and care about! ��

I just got done playing/bothering my cat! I'm gonna get dressed and head to the gym to try to put my body in motion! ��

I know you believe that, I just wanted to reassure you that I am stronger than I sometimes feel or seem. And you don't have to apologize because I appreciate you and your expressions of care for me.

I'm on my way to the gym!

I want to learn to do front squats!

I don't know if my upper body is strong enough! I was testing it but I don't think I did it right!

Yeah, I had trouble with my arm positioning!

I'm using a bench to help me get low enough in my squats!
I will likely be there by 12:15. I want to finish my workout, mail my rental textbook back, and pick up a new book from the library!

I'm at the library if you have a book suggestion!

Sorry I'm running late! I'm still at the library trying to find a book! I asked the music instructor and forgot that he is very long winded!!

My school's leisure section is tiny. I picked a book, but next time I'm using the public library!

I'm on my way! I have all my stuff! Just a quick stop at UPS and then I'm headed to your place!

Do you want some snacks or lunch?

I'm hungry, so I'm gonna have to get lunch! I can pick it up before or we can go together!

I brought two water bottles, but only one towel!

Less than 15 min

I'm here!

Haha! I will! ��

Dustin #1
https://m.facebook.com/dustin.eder.1

Dustin #2
https://m.facebook.com/dustin.banaghan?tsid=0.7607981036417186&source=typeahead

I don't think people were particularly impressed with either of them for their looks, but that's not why I was interested! ☺️

Yay! Have fun doing work!! ����

Me and my Uncle Arman recently in Cleveland!

My niece Leila! (Arman's daughter)

My friend Robyn!!

Took my Dad to U City for Bibimbob!!

Me and Elika!

Me, Diana, Rob (Diana's BF), and Melissa!

My mom and I (about 5 years ago I think)!

Really short hair!

Me, my mom, and Roger!

I'm sorry I'm running late! Please don't be upset at me

I just saw your text!

On my way!

Here!

Let me know if you want something!!

Just getting here I parked farther than I realized!

I think I've been really warm towards you and have not rejected you, but I accept that that's how you feel.
Being friends is a better idea. I don't particularly care to hold on to your sled, so whenever you want it, I'd like to drop it off for you.

I feel that I didn't understand how important polyamory is to your happiness until we tried monogamy. I don't think that monogamy will ever be healthy for you.

I feel that I didn't understand how important polyamory is to your happiness until we tried monogamy. I don't think that monogamy will ever be healthy for you.

All the things you warned me about happened. I'm glad that you brought up being friends because I could not handle being monogamous with you. It was putting me through the wringer and I needed to get out of it.

I felt like all I was doing was trying to keep up with the needs you placed on me and it was exhausting.

I don't think you even realized how much pressure you put on me and how draining it was for me.

And I don't think you appreciated me either.

No that's not why you're not asking me for that support anymore. You're not asking me for it because you are sexually frustrated and not happy with how that affects the way you act.
And no you can't be in a healthy monogamous relationship if you can't handle someone not wanting to sleep with you once in a while. You say it's about how I handled it but that's not the case. It's about how you handled it. Even when I checked in with you, you found problems because you were upset in the first place. I've never had someone react the way you did to me not wanting to have sex. And it was not even like I don't have a sex drive or that you were very deprived because we normally did have sex. It was disrespectful of me, really entitled behavior, and just rude.

I think instead of trying to find problems with me you should take a closer look at yourself and why you act how you do with regards to sex. I don't think it's healthy.

Talking about feelings is important in any relationship.
I didn't appreciate the barrage I received since stopping sleeping with you because you were unhappy. You found every excuse to get upset at me and then when I became sensitive to ask if you're upset you mocked me.

I don't think you are sorry, but that's fine.

I hope you have a good day and wish you well.

Please delete my photos if you haven't already.

Yes please delete all of them

This morning when I called your name I wanted you to come back to bed. Before that when I asked if you were horny, I was not asking it in a bad way. I was concerned about how you were feeling. When I called you I was hoping you would come back to bed and I wanted to offer to touch you because I realized that you were sexually frustrated and that being physically intimate was important to you feeling safe in our relationship.
But you didn't come then. And when you did come it was to tell me that you wanted to be friends. It upset me that I was just trying to think of how to bridge the gap between us and you just wanted to get rid of it. It really hurt my feelings. I felt that all of my efforts were in vain. Now you want to keep the pictures. For what? I guess I don't care. You can have them if you want.

I'm upset that you broke up with me and that it was over sex. And I'm upset that I didn't do it first. I wish I didn't put in any effort and didn't give a shit and broke up with you right away when you first got upset about it.

Instead I put myself in a lot of stress and pain for you to just keep getting mad at me and break up with me anyway!

Yeah, I wish I broke up with you first.

I should have stuck to it the first time I did it. I already knew it wasn't going to work out.

Whenever I go back on my first instincts it's a mistake and I knew then that it was going to be a mistake, but I did it anyway.

I feel very hurt. And why should I be friends with you since you hurt me. I don't think I can be friends with somebody I was previously intimate with. I'm just going to be angry at you. I hate that you've seen me naked. I hate that I shared anything about myself with you. I wish you didn't know anything of me. I wish I didn't date you.

I want you to forget that I exist. And forget that you knew anything of me because in reality you didn't and you never will.

I'm dropping off your sled right now. I don't want to hold on to anything of yours.

Shut up

Don't talk to me

I'm driving over now and I'm going to just put it in your yard. My phone is probably going to die.

I feel like the past few days with you were just a series a punches culminating with a KO and I'm wondering why I put myself through it.

It's like, hey Adriane, I'm upset at you and you have to do something about it. Nevermind, I don't actually want to be with you.

Fuck you and your sexual needs.

Your sled is in your yard

I was calling you to apologize for what I told you today.

Okay, thanks. I had been spending all of my time and energy on you. Now that you're gone, I realize that I again have nobody. That's not your fault. I shouldn't have been dating in the first place because I wasn't emotionally or socially in a good place for it.

It was so hard for me when you left because I felt I had invested so much of myself into you and you were the only person that I had. My only friend and personal contact. You could easily leave and be okay. But for me, I lost everything.

So anyway, I'm sorry that I handled you leaving me so terribly. I don't think you're a bad person. I think it was a bad situation that we both needed to get out of and you were the one who was more capable of doing that for us.

As someone with no support network who was heavily invested in you, it would have been extremely hard for me to leave willingly at that point.

But I know that it definitely needed to end and even though I'm now sad and alone, I'm also glad that it ended.

My mom is asking for my GPA and I don't want to tell her. I dropped below 3.0 because of how bad this semester was for me. I'm now at 2.9 . I don't think she has a right to know that and she is just going to hassle me over things she doesn't know about that won't help. She thinks she has a right to know because she's paying for me to live here.

She loves to rub it in when I'm not suceeding and make me feel worse about it.

Thanks! I told my mom the same thing! I rather get loans than feel like I have no rights to my academic privacy

Thanks! Two more years and I will have a career and financial independence which is something I've wanted for forever.

I have your gym shorts!

I'll give them back if you're nice to me!

Okay! Where is it?

Okay that sounds good! When will you be here?

Okay, see you then! ��

I just use that smiley, because it looks nicer! Don't worry, I'm not flirting!!

It's only a happy face!!

I promise to make our friendship as awkward as possible!

Don't try to smell me! ��

I know it's not my business or concern, but I keep thinking that now you're gonna be sleeping with Sheila, Jamie, Ester, and other people again.
I don't like it. Obviously it's your thing and not mine so it doesn't matter. I just need to not think about it, since that's really awkward and unpleasant for me. But I am really glad that you have friends and support and you're doing your thing! We only just broke up yesterday so it might take me more than a day to fully adjust to being only a friend!

Like especially if we were to go out right now with somebody you're in a relationship with, I think I would definitely feel jealous.

I can get over that, it just might take more than 1 day. Maybe within a week, I'll be more moved on!

It's like, you had backup relationships ready to fall onto. If I had other guys I would be in a relationship with right after we broke up it would be really quick for me to move on too.
I will move on, but yeah thank you for understanding my feelings!! Soon I will move on and be able to be genuinely happy that you're with other people too!

Okay. Well, I'm just saying I'm still a little sore. But in time I will be okay with hearing about your relationships and happy to meet those people.

I'll tell you about whoever I'm seeing if I date too. And I'll appreciate your insight on the person if you guys meet!

Thanks! I'm talking to three ladies right now on Bumble BFF!

I need to plan a trip to Florida for Robyn's 30th birthday which is coming up on June 17th! I just thought I was going to get a job this summer so I didn't want to plan too many trips, since I'm already going for rotation I'm late July. But maybe it will be okay!
You're welcome to come with if you like!

Okay! Whatever you feel comfortable with!

I'm sorry!! Coming down!

Thanks for tonight! I hope we can hangout again soon.
It's hard because I still look at you and think that I love you and want to hold you. But I can totally keep that under check and we'll be good!

Yeah, and it's not even sexual for me. It's just intimacy. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. We will get through it and be great friends who possibly can hug at some point in the future.

Oh, yeah it would be nice. But we can instead have a friendship which is also cool! ��

The most important thing to me is that I still get to have you in my life.

Hopefully we get past the phase of feeling the need to touch each other soon.

I hope you have goodnight!

Good morning! It is hot today. I feel like a frog in a pot!!

Want to do this?
https://m.facebook.com/events/597892027035167?acontext=%7B%22ref%22%3A2%2C%22ref_dashboard_filter%22%3A%22explore%22%2C%22action_history%22%3A%22[%7B%5C%22surface%5C%22%3A%5C%22dashboard%5C%22%2C%5C%22mechanism%5C%22%3A%5C%22surface%5C%22%2C%5C%22extra_data%5C%22%3A%7B%5C%22dashboard_filter%5C%22%3A%5C%22explore%5C%22%7D%7D]%22%7D&aref=2&arefdashboardfilter=explore&ref=bookmarks

Oh it's Mikes Bikes Tour de Taco!!

Oh okay, that could be fun. What was the name of the place we went to last night?

Oh cool! Thanks!

There is also a concert on Monday at 3pm in Tower Grove!

It might be good to wait a while to hangout in person. I'm not over you and I'm actually still super attached and it's really lame. I think seeing each other right now will just prolong the discomfort. My first instinct is to reach out to you, but you're not that person anymore. If we want to be friends, a cool off period would probably be beneficial.

Okay. Sure I'll hear what you think.

Yeah, it would have been better for me if I felt I had a say in what happened with us and I would have felt less abandoned. Thanks for saying that. That makes me feel better to hear it.

I like that article. I feel more anxious apart since we broke up and I don't know what will happen.

When we were together I didn't have anxiety being apart from you because I knew you loved me and we had something special.

It would be nice. There are a lot of unknowns that I have. I don't know how much I can or should contact you or see you. I don't know how you want me in your life.

Since this was initiated by you, you hold the keys and information. I need to know what you want.

Basically I feel that I don't know anything and I'm afraid of being too much or asking you too much and getting rejected because you don't really want to see me.

I feel that I don't know what you want with me and I want to want less than that so I don't get hurt

Okay. Well I don't know what to do from where I am except to let you know that this is where I am.

Today I have to visit the Dean's office, drop off mail, check out whole foods since it just opened, and go to the gym. I have been finding events through my fake facebook profile and contacting people so I can make friends. I plan to start going to monthly cycle events too. I think athletic people are easier to make friends with.

I joined the foodspark group!

I'm not adding anybody on my facebook because I don't want a real profile. I just want to use it for events. Yeah, I can come to it!

Where do I appear to fall on the gender spectrum if hypermasculine was 1 and hyperfeminine was 100?

Yeah, it doesn't really work.

I got a free one at whole foods! I'll have to show it to you!

Also they have ice cream here from a local place in Columbus OH that I love!!

If I see you and haven't finished it I'll let you try it!